ADVICE FOR A GOOD EXPERIENCE WITH AN ESCORT OR MASSEUR

The following advice is a compilation of tips, organized by Lars. The tips have come from some experts within the U.S. sex work industry- Aaron Lawrence (Escort-NJ), Allison Bass (Sex Work Researcher-WV), Andre (Escort-Raleigh), Angel (Masseur-LA), Annie Sprinkle (Sex Guru-San Francisco), Brett Silvers (Retired Escort-LA), Charlie (Escort-MD), Marcus (Escort-DC), The Legendary Dave (Escort-DC), Van Gard (Retired Erotic Masseur-FL).

SETTING UP AN APPOINTMENT

You are NOT Paying for Sex:
Realize that escorts and masseurs don't sell sex. Escorts sell their time, not sexual acts. With escorts, what happens during your time spent together is up to the two of you. It’s that simple. As for masseurs, they sell bodywork, whether it is a light rubdown, a pressure point treatment, a hot-stone therapy, or a fully naked body-to-body massage. If any other activity occurs beyond a massage, during your time spent with a masseur, it has nothing to do with the money you are paying him. It’s that simple.

Since they do not sell sex, escorts and masseurs do not want to talk with you about having sex with them. Not via email, not on the phone, and not face-to-face, during your appointment. In order to enjoy the services of an escort or masseur, you need to learn how to discuss their services correctly. You can pretty much ensure a really bad experience with any service provider if you ask him how much it would cost to have sex with you. And many service providers don't want to talk about sexual acts that you could do to them, or that they could do to you.

The problem is that most people who attempt to associate sex with a fee, when communicating with an escort or masseur, work for government agencies or police departments. Or, they are soliciting hookers. Making this fee/act association will scare a service provider away, and thus, everybody loses. Avoid this mistake at all costs and you will have a great new friend just a phone call away.

To avoid delays in communicating with a service provider, keep your discussion light and fun. Mentioning “acts” might result in your emails being ignored or your phone conversations cut short. However, you CAN ask your service provider what he is into, sexually. Just be sure to make it clear that you are asking this question with regard to his personal life and lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with two adults discussing similar likes, interests and what they personally like in a sexual relationship.

Give Your Phone Number, if Asked:
If you refuse to give a phone number, then you are showing the service provider that you are already being difficult. He may conclude that the session might end up being the same way. Realize that service providers rarely call clients, and if they do, they are very discreet (“Hi, Mike? This is Jet. Can you talk right now?”, or a phone message left on voicemail like, “Hi, Mike, this is Jimmy. Please call me when you have a minute.”) This demonstrates respect for privacy and discretion. There are far too many serious clients out there; it makes no sense for escorts and masseurs to fool around with someone who is withholding basic information like a phone number.
They are not going to harass you or spread your number around. The fact is, most service providers are busy people who don’t want to waste their time with such activities.

If an escort or masseur is unable to determine that you are not a form of oppressive puritan society, then they either will not see you, or they take a chance on meeting an undesirable client, or a member of some kind of harassing government agency. This just makes everything less pleasant. If your service provider did not have to deal with no-shows, police, or bad apples of any kind, this would not be an issue. Simply stated, if you give him your phone number, he will provide better service.

It is actually helpful for most service providers to get as much information as you feel comfortable providing; including your first name, your age, your height, your weight, and your general location. They are going to learn all of this information anyway, so why not get started on the right foot? It makes the whole process run a lot smoother and faster.

The reason why service providers hate blocked numbers so much is NOT because every private caller is calling to bullshit, but because every bullshit call that they get comes from blocked numbers.

How Smart is He?
Uh... we dunno. But you might be surprised to find that many escorts and masseurs are very well educated. A startling number of service providers have advanced degrees, or speak several languages, and are doing this sort of work by choice - because they LIKE it - and not out of dire circumstances. This is wise to keep in mind as you speak with him; he is probably not some downtrodden derelict who has nothing else to turn towards. Speaking with him as a social equal will undoubtedly result in a more pleasant exchange. And although it seems obvious, don't end your phone call by hanging up without saying "goodbye", even if what he offers is not what you want.

Don't Talk On and On:
An escort's or masseur's time is his commodity: it is literally how he earns money. Spending time on the telephone talking about your experience last year with some stud in Barcelona, or your theories on gays, straights and bisexuals, may be interesting for both of you... but unfortunately it takes up his time. Remember, many people hire escorts or masseurs just for this reason; to be able to talk with someone who can converse on subjects like these. Be considerate regarding your conversations on the phone. Use the phone call to gain information about his work, about him, and hopefully, to set up a session. And save the discourse for your actual appointment.

YOUR ACTUAL APPOINTMENT

Arriving:
Do not arrive earlier than your appointment time. Many escorts and masseurs are prepping to get ready for their session with you. By arriving earlier than expected, you are rushing your service provider, and potentially starting the appointment off on a bad note. If you arrive a bit earlier than expected, wait in your car or somewhere else (but not just outside his building, most service providers are very discreet, and do not need people lurking about).

If You are Running Late:
Call the service provider, and tell him! It is just good manners to stay in touch like that. Do not assume that if you are 15 minutes late, you can add that time on to the end. If your appointment was from 6pm to 7pm, and you are running 15 or 20 minutes late, then you should still plan to be finished at 7pm. If the service provider offers not to rush, that’s fine, but it should ultimately be his choice. He might have another appointment - even an hour later - and in between he may need to eat a meal, or prepare in other ways for the upcoming session.

Be Clean:
This means several things. Make sure your body is not smelly or dirty. Make sure you are cleaned out, inside. Make sure your breath is fresh. And make sure you’re not totally drugged out, or drunk.

If He is Coming to Your Hotel Room:
If the service provider is meeting you in your hotel room, expect him to go immediately to the bathroom to make sure there are no additional “guests”. Do not be alarmed by this. Sometimes clients surprise escorts or masseurs by bringing a friend along without warning (this is never a good idea!!) It can annoy or even scare your service provider, and will destroy the mood. Upon finding no unexpected guests, you can then expect him to lock all of the doors in the room (including sliding glass doors or doors to adjoining rooms). The time you have purchased is for you alone. With all the doors locked, he will have a much easier time concentrating on you, and you on him.

If He is in Your Place, Offer Him a Drink:
But only offer beverages to your service provider which are sealed in bottles or cans. No escort or masseur wants to get dosed with any kind of drug, or have to worry about it, so to avoid this, it’s a great idea to follow the sealed bottle/can rule. If he does accept a beverage from you, expect him to drink it fast, or not to put the container down until it’s finished, due to the above reasons. Once trust is established, or you’re a repeat client, this will not be an issue.

No “Clock Watchers”, but Someone’s got to Keep an Eye on the Time:
Clarify with the service provider who is to keep track of time. Escorts and masseurs handle this in different ways, and direct, up-front communication is best. This way you will know, if you go over your paid time, whether or not you are expected to pay additional moneys/fees. If YOU are to watch your time, then you should be ready to pay an additional amount (should you go over). If HE is responsible for keeping an eye on the time, you are in the clear. Remember that escorts and masseurs work in a service industry like any other, and their time, alas, is money.

Be Safe:
If you have a disease, or if something is unusual with your health, tell him up front (ideally, on the phone or in email, before you meet). This includes all kinds of health situations, from an open cut, to an amputated leg, to warts, to a bloody hangnail... hopefully, you get the point. Don’t put the service provider at risk for any STD without his full knowledge and consent. Moreover, do not bareback without getting an OK. Contrary to what you may think, many service providers do not bareback, ever! And just to be clear, do not decide by yourself to remove a condom before a particular activity is finished.

Don’t Videotape or Photograph the Session Without his Consent:
You run the risk of your camera being confiscated, demolished, or simply thrown out the window. You also run the risk of being blacklisted in your community. And you can be absolutely sure the service provider will never see you again.

No Drug Use:
Don’t use drugs in the presence of the escort or masseur, unless this has been previously discussed, or if it is a mutually agreed upon activity.

Treat Him with Respect:
Just because you are paying does not mean you are the only one in control. In fact, your appointment is not supposed to be about control (unless a little leather is involved). DO NOT treat the service person like an object. He is a human being, and he is making his time available to you, as eye candy on your arm, a dinner guest, a travel companion, a drinking buddy, a body worker, or what have you. Treat him as you would have someone treat you, and you are likely to have a hell of a lot more fun. The only time this doesn’t apply is during role-play, providing it is consensual.

A Couple Points for Couples:
Sometimes couples (husband and wife, gay partners, a man and his mistress, etc) like to hire escorts or masseurs. Both people in the couple might be actively involved with the service provider, or it may be only one person within the couple. If you're in the latter scenario, and one of you is planning to watch the session, do so with a degree of sensitivity.

Find out if the service provider would prefer that the person watching remain clothed, or undressed. Either way, don't watch from too close of a distance: no one likes to feel like an animal in a zoo (or an insect under a microscope!). And keep quiet... the session should not involve you talking, if you are the one there to watch. The activity, including conversation, should be between the service provider and the person who is actively involved, unless previously arranged otherwise.

WANT A HAPPY ENDING?

After Your Own Happy Ending, End Things Right:

Don't ask for him to be your friend, or your boyfriend.

You can expect an escort or masseur to treat you professionally. He sees you as a client, and perhaps as an “appointment-based friend.” He will not view you as his boyfriend or girlfriend, a friend to hang out with for free, or even a buddy to be with for movies (or a dinner on your tab.) With escorts and masseurs, you should not be looking for a friendship, relationship, nor romance.

Don’t expect to get together without any fees, and don’t put the service provider in the uncomfortable position of having to clarify the above directly to your face.

PAYING ESCORTS / MASSEURS

Pay as Agreed, and Then Some:
Pay your service provider what he originally asked for, and if you are happy with the experience, go ahead and leave a tip, too.

All escorts and masseurs will tell you what they expect in pay, before you meet them. So don't make them ask you for money. Leave the agreed moneys/fees on the dresser, bed, coffee table, etc. Leave it in plain view, and expect the service provider to count it. Wouldn’t you, if your positions were reversed?

The idea of "not tipping the owner of a business" does not apply here. Above everything else, this is a service-based industry. Even if he absolutely loves what he is doing, he is still working hard to please you. With a variety of clients, it truly is work, what with anticipating each individual’s likes and dislikes. You should ALWAYS tip your service provider, even if it is a minor amount, unless his service was truly awful. The fact is that everyone likes to be told they are doing a great job, and this gesture, even if only ten or twenty dollars, communicates that message. A GENEROUS CLIENT IS NOT FORGOTTEN.

You may have heard that “T.I.P.” is an acronym for “To Insure Promptness”, but it can also mean “To Insure P_ _ _ _”. What could the "P" stand for? Hmmmm. It should be obvious. A good tipper naturally gains PRIORITY when he or she wants another appointment!

However you T.I.P., realize that tipping will undoubtedly result in a better time for you. And for most people, that's what it's all about.

GET OFF, NOW!

That's right, it's time for you to Get Off this site.

Now that you've read through this advice for a good experience, you've got all this background information swimming around in your head. Enough thinking... go out there and have some fun.

THIS is your life: Do you really want to go through it WITHOUT this experience?

(Who is Lars?)

I am a retired escort, who worked for seven years in the industry. I am a happily married man, and yes, during that time, my wife knew what I did. I began escorting when we were first living in Los Angeles. In those days, we were short on cash. I had been approached by a couple of men who were in the film industry, who offered to pay me for spending time with them. I spoke with my wife about this prospect, and we decided that it was worth a try. I ended up enjoying myself with the guys who hired me. Within a year I had tapped into a Hollywood scene, and had some well-known actors, producers and directors who bought my time. When my wife and I relocated to the East Coast for her work, I started up shop again, but moved into other projects. We're now back in California with a different pace, and different perspectives. People who have been on this site sometimes ask to hire me. However, I am no longer escorting. I am no longer taking clients. If you want to hire someone like me, consider the escorts that I think well of- their names are listed at the top of this site. Although I am not working in this field anymore, I am committed to this industry: I see it as a necessary part of the societal structure. As such, I created this advice site to help those who are unsure on how to go about hiring an escort or masseur. I hope it helps you.